I love challenges. Linguistic challenges such as one letter L in American language and double L in U.K. English. Or, "when do I double the consonant preceding the -ed ending of a verb?"
Today, I take upon the unusual challenge of going through a series of commonly known but rarely practiced sexual positions. No photos or pictures. Just words in a Q & A format. Having lived in California gave me all this wisdom.
--Tina, what is a missionary position?
--A missionary position is that one in which a man/woman puts himself/herself on his knees while offering a 10 K piece of jewelry to his/her significant other. The offering had better come in the colorful acqua bag from Tiffany, or else.
--Tina, what is the position "I go on top?"
--This is a very intriguing question. If a woman rides on top that means she is quite busy on the phone, at the beauty salon, shopping on Rodeo Drive, chatting with friends on line or at a café while the significant other is slaving his life away at some stupid cheap corporation, such as GE or our government's NSA.
If it's a man on top, that means he "works on-line" all day long, surfs the Net, has a ton of virtual friends and excuses for taking calls from total strangers (to his significant other) and takes a siesta from all this hard work while the partner works in and outside the house, supporting the leech.
--Tina, what is a sideways position ?
--Ah, ha! Wonders never cease. In the days baby-boomers were younger, this position meant the opposite of its meaning today to both boomers and surviving parents. Sideways means the couple sleeps with ear-plugs on, their derrières barely touching while they snore their night away.
--Tina, what does a 69 mean?
--How fascinating! I got this question in my mail box just yesterday. A 69, or a soixante-neuf, or billandmonica, isn't what people talk about or imagine. For one partner, it's the ingestion of proteins; for the other, a jetstream release of unnecessary stress. Some partners like to yell, "Flegma, shmegma!" And those do not ingest the liquid proteins.
--Tina, what is phone sex?
--Phone sex is a practice among boys and girls of all ages. If they don't have friends, they just pick United or any big company and pretend a business interest. Depending on their luck, they will achieve their goals. In United's case, remember to say loud and clear, "Agent!" if you get the robot. Maybe you are into cybersex, but robots are still not fully ready, linguistically speaking. Also keep in mind United's hubs are Chicago, Denver, Miami... Chicago is a great phone hub.
And that's all, folks! More soon, insatiable guys and gals?
Tina California Dreamin' Easter 1971 courtesy William Salvador©
In lieu of speaking about the crapola going on at SMMUSD, where sh*tsky don't ever stink, bad administrators are moved to the Pupil-Free Day Offices, where everyday is a pupil-free day, let's take a look on an old case of student-teacher lust affair. Do you remember Mary Kay Letourneau? She was a mother of four, a daughter of a reactionary Orange County politician, when she had relations with her husband-to-be, age twelve, at the time. They had sex, she got pregnant, was sentenced, was freed, had sex with him again, got pregnant again, they married. The boy was quite big for his age; he's Samoan. My Daddy O'Google shows teacher-student sex is on the rise; more so than priests' molestation and children.
Was Sting prescient when singing "Don't Stand So Close"
or was the attraction between teacher and student an existent situation just suppressed from public
analysis curiosity and public view? I remember having the hots for my math teacher in sixth grade. He somewhat resembled
Rock Hudson, the co-star of Doris Day films.
So, admirers of nymphs beware. The Brazilan government has decided to include in its latest attempt to discipline the Net users penalties for those who display photos of underage kids. I am glad Lucas Cruishank is overage. Lucas who? Don't feel sorry now. Just click. Don't be sorry for having clicked, either.
Marya Bravo is the child of that Brazilian fan who sang with the Beatles, Lizzie Bravo. This show is about the Beatles' music, and Marya's dramatic performance is outstanding.
Click to check it out, please.
My son and I gave Nicolas an iPod Touch for his birthday and for Father's Day. It's exactly what he wished to have. You see, the French strongly dislike to speak on the phone. Their politeness oblige formula goes, as the other person picks up, "Am I bothering you?" That is unknown here, even for people who knock at your door or honk, which is even worse.
So the iPod Touch takes care of his needs. Music on the go and the Net at your fingertips. He is very happy and so am I. Our son just got back from the Apple Store with a brand new iPod. His went kaput a few days before the warranty would have expired.
We are all a happy Apple family. I had my 2003 MacBook replaced. Nic got what he wanted for his birthday and now enjoys it in Ottawa, at a conference. Mini-Me enjoys his new iPod. And his summer school English assignment is made easier that way. Hey, we are family, and this goes to Freaky Deaky and Swanksalot.